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Koo koo ka choo

A quick follow-up to my earlier post about Iris Robinson; transcribed here was this brilliant letter apparently addressed to her – I don’t think it received a reply. Now THAT’s satire. 

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from your appearances on the Steve Nolan Show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly states it to be an abomination.

End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev. 1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odour is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus 21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev. 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. (Lev. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to the Irish, but not Scots. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Scottish people?

5. I have a neighbour who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus 35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don’t agree. Can you settle this?

7. (Lev. 21:20) States that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev. 19:27). How should they die?

 9. I know from (Lev. 11:6-8 ) that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? 

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Bouszchi, Skelp, Ferkel

L to R: Bouszchi, Skelps, Ferkel

Welcome to the first of (no doubt) many posts about our new pack of three. Gigi (Bouszchi, preferably said in a silly smoochy voice) has already been with us for a few months, and I had always envisaged that we would get her a buddy when the time came. Well, that time came a little sooner than expected… I found out about a charity which re-homes rescued dogs from the Greek island of Kos, and specifically about a little Pointer cross called Bony, who had been saved from starvation. The work performed by this, and other similar charities, is incredible. The suffering undergone by the animals they rescue is terrible beyond words. Hearing stories about animals abandoned at the Berlin sanctuary is upsetting enough, but this is another level entirely. Anyway, I am glad to say that we have been able to take in two of the many, many animals who are in need of help.. so, I present to you:

FERKEL (a.k.a. Bony, a.k.a. T-Bone)

This little boy was named Bony due to his emaciated condition on discovery. Thankfully, he has since turned into a chubby little piglet. He is a bolshy little guy, but he backs away from people on the street who think he’s cute. He will need a little work to build up his confidence after his difficult experiences, but he is adorable. Perhaps because his growth has been stunted a little, he has giant paws which he likes to slap up and down when he gets excited – which happens a lot. Nothing stands in between him and food, not even a closed door.

SKELPS (a.k.a. Kelpie)

Not too much is known about this little girl. She was found wandering the streets and thankfully was taken in; she can’t be more than a few months old. She is like a little monkey and manages to climb everything – especially the dogs’ giant food bag on top of which she stands like a mountaineer. In the two days that the dogs have been here, she has only been to the toilet three times (once on the floor) so hopefully she’s going to get over her nerves soon. We will keep on being very quiet and patient with her – she’s not too anxious though, and she holds her own in the playfights which she often starts!

The last thing to say is… all three of the dogs smell suspiciously like Digestive biscuits. T-Bone flips onto his back for a belly scratch and this biscuit smell just floats up – bath time I think…

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